‘Patience’ they say is a virtue and according to God’s word in Galatians 5:22 it is one of the fruits of our recreated spirit. In other words, as believers you already have patience in you. You don’t have to pray to God to give it to you, it is something that is a part of you already as a believer.
The question now is, if truly I have patience then how do I bring it out? You see the things given by God to us cannot be controlled or manifested by our own efforts. They first come through the help of the Holy Spirit in us (this will be discussed in more details in another sub-head).
In building a successful relationship you have to be patient with your friend(s). Been patient with someone is a conscious decision you have to make. Been patient to see them grow and change every day.
Probably you have a friend who has a character flaw that seems not too healthy for the relationship to grow and you have discussed it with him or her, be patient with the person while you are also helping him/her to do away with such habit.
When you are patient with someone, you don’t talk ill of their flaws, you don’t take delight in laughing and telling others how bad they are. Patience in your relationship simply means while you are waiting, you are seeing something positive come out of them.
Patience doesn’t mean you folding your hands and waiting for things to change someday. It is you discussing those things that you know can hinder the growth of the relationship while patiently helping them to overcome such habit.
1 Thessalonians 5:20 “…help the weak, be patient with everyone”. If you are the type who is not always patient with people, when you enter into relationship you will have more work to do on yourself, because the truth is that you will see things that will get you irritated and things that will get you angry and you will just decide one day to out of the relationship.
4. Understand your role in the relationship
Every one of us has a role to in our various relationships, be it marriage relationship, dating, or even at the friends’ level, we all have a role to play.
To contribute our quota to the success of that relationship. When we begin to neglect such roles we are already inviting trouble.
Know what you are good at and apply it to your relationship. The Bible has clearly stated some rules for us to abide by in our relationships i.e. the husband-wife relationship, in Ephesians 5:22, 25 “wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord…husbands, love your wives…” this is primarily the role every husband and wife need to play to build a successful marriage relationship.
No matter how much material things you can get for your wife, if there is no love it’s just a waste of resources. Love is the primary thing your wife wants from you. Giving her things cannot substitute for you giving her yourself.
As for the wife, men love women that are submissive, a man will always fight a woman who thinks she is his equal and respect and love the one that is submissive.
In my own relationship with my friend, he is a good communicator and knows how to express and drive home his points but I’m more reserve and “keep to myself”. But over the years I have come to understand that I also need to learn how to communicate more with him for our friendship to grow better.
He is good at bringing up ideas and I’m good at implementing those ideas. We understand our areas of strength and we fill each others areas of weakness.
5. Loving unconditionally
I asked a question sometime back. Will you stop loving someone because they stopped loving you? Will you stop caring for someone because they stopped caring for you? Loving unconditionally.
If you stopped doing these things it simply means you never loved genuinely. Your love was conditional, it was based on their love and care for you.
This is not the way to demonstrate God’s kind of love. God’s perspective of love is that we love unconditionally. He doesn’t want your love to be dependent upon how they treat you or how they love you in return.
God’s love towards us is an unconditional love and He wants us to love in like manner. Romans 8:5 “but God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners”.
This is a definition of what unconditional love is. God’s love was demonstrated to you even before you even thought of accepting Jesus! He loved you even when you didn’t have the ability to love Him in return.
This love cannot be practiced by the world but by God’s begotten, because this is not the love that is taught by the world but it comes from God and can only be demonstrated through the help of the Holy Spirit. It is called “Agape”- the God kind of love.
You don’t stop loving your friend because he or she is misbehaving, you don’t say I won’t call him because he hasn’t called me, you don’t say I don’t care about her anymore because she doesn’t care about me.
But rather you practice loving unconditionally by following the way of love. The way of love is that, it doesn’t matter whether she calls me or not, my love for her is not dependent upon her calling me or not but I still love her. I will still care for you even when you don’t care about me.
Romans 8:5 made us understand that God’s love was demonstrated to those who don’t even deserved to be loved. There are times when your friend does something that gets you pissed, rather than hold a grudge, the way of love is that you let him know his fault and make a decision to still love and care for him. When such love is demonstrated greatly in your relationships it gives room for the relationship to move smoothly. This is the dimension of God’s love that we need to walk in as believers.
6. The work of the Spirit
The work of the Spirit in the life of a believer is to deal with our character until the character of Christ is revealed in us.
The place of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer is not at the back seat but rather at the driver’s seat. All what we have discussed can only take place through the help of the Holy Spirit.
You need the help of the Spirit in your relationship, you need His counsel, leading and the manifestation of His wisdom. You see, it takes more than love to build or sustain a relationship. You need wisdom, not the wisdom of this world but the wisdom of God.
You can’t have a successful relationship without the work of the Spirit in your relationship, otherwise all you will be doing will be by your human effort and the result will never be positive. You need the help of the Spirit to love unconditionally, to be patient and to walk in all that we have discussed.
The issues with believers having issues in their relationships is that they always want to separate their relationships from God and that can’t be possible, it may look like you are “succeeding” but in the long run it will be a failure.
Many challenges and troubles and heartaches or breakups will be avoided if only we will yield ourselves to the leading of the Holy Spirit. You cannot walk according to God’s leading and still make mistakes.
Link to Part 1
Link to Part 2 https://moseseromose.wordpress.com/2016/06/18/building-a-successful-relationship-part-2/