It has become a norm in this day and time for people to go into a relationship without answering a certain question(s) in their heart about the person with whom they are about to spend the rest of their life with. For some, even when they have answered these question(s) in their hearts they chose to ignore the crystal clear signs and proceed into the relationship due to certain pressures coming from either family, peer pressure, self – pressure or for other reasons known to them. But, whatever the case may be, it is imperative that these question(s) are answered and decisions should be taken adequately according to the answers provided.
The matter of relationship is not something one rushes into, for if you do without prior preparations you might end up rushing out of that relationship. This article is dedicated to the young folks out there intending to get married someday. If peradventure you are reading this and you are married, it will also bless your life. If you didn’t get it right, at least you can train your kids in the way they should go about marriage.
For some young folks that are married, marriage to them is like someone took them away from freedom (singlehood) and brought them into bondage (marriage). To them, marriage is like a thorn in the flesh. This could be attributed to several reasons, one of which I believe, the primary reason is that they never took the time to ask themselves this question “are we compatible?” People are not quick to ask themselves this question as much as they are quick to enter into a relationship. For some, they get to find out in the middle of the relationship before knowing this, while for others they wake up from their slumber in marriage only to realize that the person they are spending the rest of their life with is not compatible with them.
Compatibility goes beyond personality, individual personalities. Personality is not a constant but a variable which can always be worked upon and changed. I believe strongly that “personality” should never be a “criteria” which people place upon themselves and others before entering a relationship. There are other things far more important than that, which I believe individuals intending to go into a relationship should consider and look out for. These are things that some folks have ignored even when it was crystal clear, they got married and the story therefrom was filled with tears and agony, rather than experiencing what God has actually created it to become.
I have heard some ladies make statements like “I cannot marry a guy that is quiet because I’m also quiet, the house will be boring if we marry”. I’m sure you have heard several other similar statements. The world now has a way of helping them out by coining personalities into several categories and giving them nomenclatures like Sanguine, Melancholic, Phlegmatic and Choleric. So, it becomes easy for a marriage counselor to tell you that, as a melancholic individual, you shouldn’t get married to another melancholic individual.
Personality differences should never be the basis for marriage or relationships. Let’s go back in time, the first marriage and learn something there. I remember sitting beside my bed, studying this verse and something caught my attention of which I want to share with you about marriage and personality.
Genesis 2:18 the LORD God said “it is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper fit for him”. Here God was thinking of giving Adam a wife and He said He wants to give him a wife that will “fit” him. Please take note that as at that time, Man had not yet fallen. Adam was not deficient in any area, he wasn’t having any character flaws, and no sin on earth, Adam was perfect! Everything God created was very good! But God said he wants to give him a woman that would “fit” him. It means that God was looking for something beyond Adams personality.
Giving Adam a wife that is suitable for him, God was never referring to Adam’s personality but rather God gave Adam a wife that will fit into the work (purpose) that He has given to Adam. God gave Adam a wife not to occupy or fill up the vacant part of his personality because Adam was perfect, but to fit into the work He has given to him. So, stop looking for the “Mr. Right” or “Mrs. Right” that will fit your kind of person but rather you look out for the person that fits into your purpose, dreams, and vision. Personality is not a constant but a variable like I said earlier, it can always be worked upon. Compatibility has more to do with purpose than it has to do with personality.
Are we compatible? Have you ever sat and thought about that? We get too occupied in preparing for a wedding and we pay little or no attention to the issue of compatibility. This is one major reason why many dreams are shattered after marriage. There are cases of husbands who deny their wives the privilege of pursuing the dream they once had before getting married. You can save yourself this trouble by asking yourself “are we compatible?” Will this person I’m about to spend the rest of my life with work with me to achieve this dream I have? Can we pursue this vision together? Before you say “yes I do”, make sure you have settled this question in your heart – “Are we compatible?”